Amazed

Everyday I am amazed at how wonderful my son has made my life. How much life and happiness he brings me.

There is so many things that I want for my son, so many things that I try to give him every day. I want him to be independent and strong. I want him to be assertive and intelligent. I want him to be forgiving and kind. I want him to be adventurous, yet cautious. I want him to want everything out of life. I want him to be able to find his partner in life and be able to love them forever. I want him to be loyal and caring. I want him to be free of guilt and regret. I want him to learn from his mistakes. I want him to have the best life that I can imagine.

So, my question to you and to myself every single day is, How do I do that? How do I make sure that I give him all of the tools that he needs to make his life a great one? How do I not scar him in the process? How do I be that mother I never had, and always yearned for? How do I do that?

my sun

As I sit here and look at my newborn son, I think about what motherhood means to me. I think about my mothers. My biological mother, my adopted mother, my "other mother", my mother in law, and my grandmother. I think about me as a mother, what kind of mother Will I be. I think about how each of these mothers has helped shape me into the person who I am and the mother that I will become.

My heart breaks for the my biological mother, how hard it must have been to give me up for adoption. Yet, how selfless and how simply loving of her to do so. My heart breaks for the little girl who was under my adopted mothers hold. My heart breaks, just missing my grandmother.

I have always wanted to be a mother, but also always scared of what kind of mother I would be. I have never had, with all the mothers listed above, a real relationship with a mother. However, my entire life I have yearned for one.

I will try my very best to be a wonderful, caring, loving, patient, compassionate and fair mother to my son.... MY SUN.